This may come out sounding like a dorm room poster, but your mention of being thrown into a weird world has me thinking about the ways that our brain grooves and broader social grooves reinforce each other (yep, definitely dorm room poster, but whatever). Somewhere in my head there's a malformed thought about the connection between a Marxist conception of society and cognitive-behavioral therapy, but what I'm really thinking about is the ways that so often my own individual change has happened as a result of me getting whatever groove/pattern I'm stuck in out of my head (metaphorically) and seeing it as an object (again, metaphorically) before shoving it back in my head (...) with greater awareness so that maybe I don't get stuck in it next time around. Yes, that describes therapy, but it also describes what one can do sometimes mutually with good friends, and I guess the groove I want to cut is always to remember to seek out deeper connection and interaction with actual humans I know and care about rather than thinking the surface sheen of networked information is going to solve shit.
As for the flinching though, yeah--witnessing casual human contact has me twitchy.
The flip side of casual human contact and interactions now often being repulsive and wtf-inducing, is that some things have become incredibly erotic to witness, lol. Now when I see two people hold hands I'm like oh-shit, ohmygosh in PUBLIC? I get the Jane Austen sweats.
What I find really interesting about one of my new coping strategies, is the friends that I rely on most for emotionally understanding and regrounding me--I'm talking to them less frequently. But then we'll actually talk on the phone for an hour or get into a long scrolling text convo. It's feeling more like letter writing than how we communicated before.
Despite being depressed, I feel like I can deal with the second year quarantine weirdness. Except for my worry about my toddler. She has no friends, except for when her 8yr old step sister is here on alternate weeks. Which is a HUGE blessing, despite being an increased risk. She is so desperate for socialization and friendship, I cry about it on the regular. When her sister isn't here she drums on the backdoor calling her sister's name, thinking she's just outside. Fucking sucks so hard. My trauma is kind of whatever at this point, but my kid's trauma? It's killing me.
After losing both of my parents in 2 years, I'm basically always anticipating my friends' parents to drop dead at any minute...so, I'm super fun to be around. 😶
This may come out sounding like a dorm room poster, but your mention of being thrown into a weird world has me thinking about the ways that our brain grooves and broader social grooves reinforce each other (yep, definitely dorm room poster, but whatever). Somewhere in my head there's a malformed thought about the connection between a Marxist conception of society and cognitive-behavioral therapy, but what I'm really thinking about is the ways that so often my own individual change has happened as a result of me getting whatever groove/pattern I'm stuck in out of my head (metaphorically) and seeing it as an object (again, metaphorically) before shoving it back in my head (...) with greater awareness so that maybe I don't get stuck in it next time around. Yes, that describes therapy, but it also describes what one can do sometimes mutually with good friends, and I guess the groove I want to cut is always to remember to seek out deeper connection and interaction with actual humans I know and care about rather than thinking the surface sheen of networked information is going to solve shit.
As for the flinching though, yeah--witnessing casual human contact has me twitchy.
The flip side of casual human contact and interactions now often being repulsive and wtf-inducing, is that some things have become incredibly erotic to witness, lol. Now when I see two people hold hands I'm like oh-shit, ohmygosh in PUBLIC? I get the Jane Austen sweats.
What I find really interesting about one of my new coping strategies, is the friends that I rely on most for emotionally understanding and regrounding me--I'm talking to them less frequently. But then we'll actually talk on the phone for an hour or get into a long scrolling text convo. It's feeling more like letter writing than how we communicated before.
Despite being depressed, I feel like I can deal with the second year quarantine weirdness. Except for my worry about my toddler. She has no friends, except for when her 8yr old step sister is here on alternate weeks. Which is a HUGE blessing, despite being an increased risk. She is so desperate for socialization and friendship, I cry about it on the regular. When her sister isn't here she drums on the backdoor calling her sister's name, thinking she's just outside. Fucking sucks so hard. My trauma is kind of whatever at this point, but my kid's trauma? It's killing me.
After losing both of my parents in 2 years, I'm basically always anticipating my friends' parents to drop dead at any minute...so, I'm super fun to be around. 😶