We Will Not Destroy This List of Lists

You love a list before bed, too.

Not my child.

I have TweetDelete set up on my Twitter account and honestly, if you don’t, that’s irresponsible. There are no tweets on my timeline that are older than one month. Adults get 700 new neurons in their brain every day so whatever I said two months ago is old garbage and no one needs it.

However, there is one tweet I don’t want to disappear, though it will. Last week I asked folks what their favorite Wikipedia lists were and, yes, I could’ve combed through this list of lists of lists but I’m not a sucker with all the time in the world. I wanted GOOD lists and I wanted them then. And I got ‘em! Here are some of my faves, which shall be preserved in Substack until this site meets its demise OR I quit hanging out here:

List of hoaxes

List of stories set in a future now past

List of leaning towers

List of nicknames used by George W. Bush

List of fictional artificial intelligences

List of female librarians (???)

List of fraudsters

List of inventors killed by their own inventions

List of fictional computers

List of cognitive biases

List of unusual deaths

List of books considered the worst

List of individual trees

List of animals with fraudulent diplomas

List of last words

List of people who disappeared mysteriously pre-1970

List of places nicknamed “Venice of the North”

List of unsolved deaths

List of obsolete occupations

List of common misconceptions

List of people who have lived in airports

List of entertainers who have died during a performance

List of topics categorized as pseudoscience

FRIDAY BEAUTY BIN

Let's be vain.

This is not and never will be an ad or contain affiliate links. I like to say whatever I want so no payola!

A few weeks ago, my doctor said something like, “everyone is going to come out of this pandemic a hunk, a chunk or a drunk” which is all kinds of -ists, not to mention rude to say to someone’s face, but it did scare me into becoming vain again. I lost my vanity! I’m not sure where or when, but it waned for a few years and photos exist to prove it. I know it’s a deadly sin or at least related to one of them but I don’t go to church so that let’s me off the hook. That’s how religion works, right? JK.

Anyway, I’ve decided to dive headfirst into my vanity. Literally starting with my head. Here’s a list of what I’m doing and using in this effort:

Doing:

  • Sleeping through the night with some medicinal help

  • Not drinking alcohol (also helps with sleep and my skin and my attitude)

  • Sitting in the sun or at my sun lamp for at least 10 minutes a day, with SPF of course

  • Not washing my face in the morning, just splash with warm water (cold is for sadists)

Using:

After that splash of water in the morning, I use this stuff from Laneige which I got as a sample and loved so much I re-upped. It’s $38 which isn’t too bad for a good daytime moisturizer, right? What is normal nowadays? I get all of my facial SPF from makeup, which I’ll talk about next week.

On to the nighttime routine:

Still in love with you, after all these years. It just gets the makeup all the way off. I wash for a full minute and then dry with a white towel to make sure I got everything.

I know it looks frightening, but this derma roller (or microneedle device) isn’t painful, to me. Every time I think about how it works — by damaging your skin a bit and forcing it to regenerate — I remember my dad telling me that running is good for you because it causes micro-fractures in your bones which strengthens them. I’d rather die. Anyway! I use this roller every-other-day. You do need to replace it every 15-ish uses, so if you want to buy one with multiple heads, go for it. You’ve gotta use these wipes or something similar after washing your face but before rolling and then spray the roller with isopropyl alcohol after each use. I roll for one minute then apply…

this serum which is $14.80. I don’t know or care what’s in it. I’ve just started using more products from this brand because a) they are cheap and b) I tried this peel and love it:

You can use the peel more than once a week but I don’t and it still works great. My acne scars are lighter and my skin is happier in general. YMMV. I only use moisturizer after the peel, skipping the serum that day. On non-peel days, I use that serum up above and follow with this moisturizer:

I’ve read everywhere that this cheap stuff is almost identical to Creme de La Mer, which I would save up and splurge on back when I was better about being vain. The only difference between the two is some sea kelp (which actually gets turned into an into an AHA) in La Mer, and you get that in the peel up above along with other acids in the serum. All for the price of a sample of La Mer!

Important note: I put all this shit on my neck, too.

On to the rest of my head:

I can’t decide if I want to go grey, so for now I’m using a demi-permanent gloss my friend Janine finally put on my hair a few weeks ago when her salon was allowed to open up to a few people at a time with all kinds of intense protocols in place. Something like this Redken one which you use with this developer. It won’t cause damage and covers my greys beautifully.

If you have a sweet boyfriend like I do, he gives you this shampoo for dyed hair and you use it.

My child and I both have wavy/curly hair (tricked ya!) and this conditioner is great for both of us. It moisturizes and detangles. Love it. Fairly inexpensive.

I don’t like to wash my hair too often because of the dye and also who has the time? So, in between I use this dry shampoo which comes in a variety of shades and covers my roots but not in an obvious way. I used to be a devotee of Bumble’s brunette version, but it has too much color that gets all over my hands and bathroom. This one does not. I also like their styling lotion when I blow dry.

Here’s the sun lamp I was talking about, which has hilarious promo photos. Unlike this model, I do not use it on my feet. Might try it though.

That’s it for today. Next week: makeup! I love you.

FRIDAY BARGAIN BIN

Texas Emergency Relief Efforts, $1-???

Before we shop for anything else, let’s donate to one of the charities from this list. Also, Act Blue makes it super easy to give from your phone via this link. Thanks for being a good person.

Fenty Mattemoiselle Plush Matte Lipstick: was $18, now $9

Love a straightforward 50% discount on one of our favorite things!

Women’s Pointed Toe Flats: were $19.99, now $9.99

These are from Target. Let us know if you already have them and they’re garbage.

Kids’ Reversible North Face Jacket: was $70, now $34.30

This says it’s for boys, which is stupid. What’s not stupid is that Bergdorf’s is taking an extra 30% off select sale items. It’s Bergdorf’s, so that means the prices are just regular, for once.

Drawing Flowers with William F. Powell: was $8.05, now $4.67

For that one hour you have free on Sunday afternoon.

Pavao Embroidered Table Runner: was $89.95, now $62.99

Isn’t she pretty? The matching napkins and plates are also on sale. I’m sure you can find something better/older/cheaper on Etsy and if you do, just keep it to yourself.

New Look Curve Cardigan: was $39, now $19

She who dies with the most long cardigans wins.

4 Apricot Paczki: $9.99

Because we just flew past Fat Tuesday most mail-order paczki are sold out, but not these!

1972 Chevy Pickup: $26,500

Can someone please buy this for me? Don’t make me start an Only Fans.

FRIDAY BARGAIN BIN

Creepy Doll Hands or Earrings?: were $48, now $19.95

These are totally grossing me out, which is what I like about them.

Sephora Multi-Purpose Oil: was $8, now $5 (don’t forget your free samples!)

Any oil heads out there? Seriously, do you put this all over your head? Talk to us.

Keep on Humming Game: was $9.99, now $5.99

At first this “name that tune” game looked fun. Upon further reflection it will definitely bring out someone’s inner Record Store Guy.

Bouqs Flash Sale, 20% off with code “DATENIGHT”

Twenty percent isn’t a lot but it’s more than free shipping and you do have to send someone flowers. Think about it.

VS Satin Trench Coat: was $169.50, now $49.99

If your partner is the kind of person who would get all turned on by the idea of whatever is under this “trench coat,'“ keep that weirdo.

IT Cosmetics Lash Blowout Mascara: was $25, now $15

I recently got the sample size and love it. Super volumizing, easy to wash off but doesn’t crumble throughout the day. The packaging couldn’t be worse.

Pressed Juicery Fanny Pack: $2 with $29 purchase

I guess this week’s newsletter has a theme: kind of ugly, bad things that I like and/or own. (Yes, I own this, but I swear I got it for the kids.)

Aromatherapy Slippers???: were $48, now $19.95

Are these meant to encourage you to become more bendy, or…?

Opte Beauty Device for Age Spot Removal and Facial Toning: $599

It also applies airbrush makeup only to your zits. Hahaha… WHAT IS THIS. Makeup? More like make up your mind!

Animal Crossing Olive Garden Sign by me.

If you’d like the design code…

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